I’m struggling to write anything here that feels…right, right now. So instead, I shall write about the one word that keeps popping up.
When I was putting together the Embers end-of-year journalling reflection session, I was this close to including a word that has come through for me very strongly over the last two months. And that word is FUCK.
I decided against it as expletives aren’t in everyone’s everyday lexicon, but I’ve continued to experiment with it in my own journal. And wow, have I stumbled on one particular something that has been an eye-opening reflection for me.
B.F.F.R.
I was thinking about all the ways I could incorporate the word fuck into my journalling practice, as you do, when I remembered a term I kept coming across on social media this year: B.F.F.R.
Now, this is something I had to google (hello, elder Millennial over here) but B.F.F.R. means Be F**king For Real: take the filters off, stop messing around, say it as it is, call a spade a space.
Next year, I mean business. I can feel the pull already. I want a tangible shift in some areas. I want it and I need it. I feel like I’m running out of rope, wiggle room, and excuses. I feel embarrassed. I want to be further. I accept where I am, but also: BFFR.
So I’ve been writing that in my journal of late. Sometimes a lone sentence, at others, pages and pages of frank conversation with myself.
The questions and prompts that keep coming up around each topic I turn it to are:
BFFR with what you want.
BFFR with where you are right now.
BFFR with the timeline to get you to wherever you’re saying there is.
BFFR with your current effort and where that will take you.
I can call myself out because I also meet myself with compassion. I allow more than one thing to be true at any one time and I allow context and nuance to be part of the conversation.
Using this acronym as a prompt has been confronting and galvanising in a way that I am ready to face up to and digest. If you’re looking for one way to reflect on the year that I highly doubt you’ll find anywhere else, let BFFR be your guide.
Other fucks I’m exploring
Fuck. Much of what I’m reading about people’s experiences of being neurodiverse feels very close to home.
Fuck. After an absence of three or four years, I think I do have a word for next year. A big doing word. And that is scary.
Fuck. This feels good.
A few of you may have noticed that I started a new Substack at the end of November, when awake in the midnight hours, unable to sleep. It had been brewing for a while.
As I’m sure you’ve grasped by now, not a week goes by without me touching base with my journal. And as we head into Winter, it’s a daily affair.
Why the new substack? Simply because I wanted a space where I could go all in on journalling all the time.
I know some just like to read the words offered up in this open journal of mine, and so sometimes wonder if this is the place for my personal passion. So, even though it’s my space, I don’t want to annoy you or force it down your throat. Does that make any sense?
It’s the end of the year. There’s not much in the tank for personal journal writing online because I’m burrowing deeply into my duvet with my actual journal. So while it might seem like I’ve jumped ship, and am very much active in other spaces, journalling comes to me like breathing air, so sharing over there is done with ease.
I still plan to offer seasonal journalling sessions here for those who want to dip in lightly, as well as my life of words as I live it, shared with you here, perhaps on a more occasional frequency.
You can think of this space as journalling lite if you will, and if you’re game, come on over to In My Journal Lately for weekly notes on what’s been in my journal pages, in the hope that it might inspire yours.
It’s just another cosy, unglossy, human space on the internet. I like making those.
Something for all those fucks…
I’ll be turning off paid subscriptions until the next session in March (paid subs, there’s an extra note for you below), but before I go, I wanted to share something I made. I turned all those fucks I’ve been exploring in my journal into a session for you to explore in your own time.
I’ve called it F**k: An expletive-filled reflection session to make way for full-bodied expression and potent honesty. For anyone craving something distinctly no-frills and unflowery to close out this year, I think you might like it. It’s pay-what-you-want so you set your price. You’ll get a video link of the session shared with you to go through in your own time. All you need is a journal and a pen.
And for my paid subscribers, free access is below the paywall for you.
Well, that’s me (probably unnecessarily over-explaining myself), over and out for 2023. Take good care and I’ll see you on a digital page on the internet somewhere soon✌🏾