Hi *peeks from behind fingers*
Is it safe to come out now we’re coming to the end of the month where it feels like all we can talk about are goals? Whether we have them or are shunning them. What they are, how we’re measuring them, or if we’re already over the ones we set now alarms are back on and payday still hasn’t rolled round.
I’m going to add one more to the pile, just to finish you off. Don’t roll your eyes. Stick with me for just a minute, because, as of the middle of January, I’d already seen off two of my New Year’s Goals.
My strategy lies in this question: What can you do when you’re at a 4 out of 10?
To my mind, part of the problem with New Year’s goals and resolutions is that they are made when we’re in a small window of downtime (that not all of us are afforded). Caught up in a reflective and rose-tinted haze of nostalgic films and a glut of bank holidays.
I think what I’ve been guilty of in the past is making goals that require me to be the shiny, optimal me that I imagine my best self to be. Always on it, ready to go, doesn’t miss a beat. Uh huh. And then it comes: New Year, same old inertia. I am largely, the same person.
I do have a word of the year and goals for the year - larger, overarching things. But the crucial difference is that I also have a few micro-goals. The ones I can still tick off when I’m at a 4 out of 10, not a 10 out of 10. And actually, I think these are the ones that are going to carry me through the year. They are the ones that make me feel competent and confident.
Competent Human Thing 1: Know more things about my car
Earlier this month, after being a driver for nearly six years, I filled my car with screenwash and oil and filled the tyres with air. All by myself.
[WAITS FOR APPLAUSE]
This is a big one for me, now I live alone in the North of England and drive up and down the motorway more often than I’d like or care to admit.
The thought first came to my mind in December. I’d not be home in a while, where I would usually give the keys to my dad and ask him to check all the things before I left to drive up again. I’ve watched him do these things many times, but with the laziness of someone who didn’t fully store the information because, a) I didn’t really think I needed to and, b) I just drove with crossed fingers hoping nothing would flash at me mid-drive.
There were two people local to me that I considered asking but chickened out because I felt too embarrassed that I didn’t know what to do when I felt I should. Worried about my road safety, I did eventually relent and ask about the air and then when home asked my dad to show me things under the bonnet while I filmed a video of it for future reference. As luck would have it, the morning I was due to drive back the dreaded dashboard flash appeared. I calmly got my little video out and did what I needed to do.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH OF A COMPETENT QUEEN I FELT AFTER DOING THESE THINGS?
I was riding high, quite literally, on wheels inflated to their correct tyre pressure.
Yes, I got it wrong the first time and took too long, so only filled three of four tyres, but I am now a competent human in this area who can do these things as and when I have to.
The other big human thing I did was take out a life insurance policy and income protection. It took 90 minutes of form filling and questions from me—someone who still barely considers herself an adult— but the first payment comes out next month and… yeah. That one was a little exhausting for someone who hates phone calls and doesn’t consider that I have much worth insuring really, but future me thanks me and present me is delighted that I could take that small step to feel more financially confident.
So, while January is wrapping up, what I’ll say is this. Be sure to add a few “4 out of 10” goals to your list. The confidence amassed from these small actions are feelings I can sit in now (without waiting to see if I can even remember them come December) and call on in the future. While working toward my big things, these are the little things that I can learn to do to remind me that I am a competent human, and practice more to build the confidence muscle.
If 2024 solely ends up being the year of competence and confidence? Bring it on.
Congratulations on knowing about your car! I released outcome-oriented goals for the year, and I'm focused on just a few action-oriented goals. Truthfully, I feel like lifeing in this season is goal enough:-)
I love it. As someone who's afraid of machinery, I applaud you. I'm a big proponent of instructional videos. I've relied on homemade versions, myself, in the past. I don't believe there's anything inherently wrong with asking for help, but we do ourselves a great service when we hold ourselves capable.